isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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