i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
