I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
