Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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