$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
