shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think my moral compass just broke
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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