if i can run in heels then i can drive
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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