Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
