i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
