so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
