He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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