making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
