Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
