I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
