a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
