I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
