It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
