Don't you send me to vm
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
