fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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