I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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