I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i drank out of a bidet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
