I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize