that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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