chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
