just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
