when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
