hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
