This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
