Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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