Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
