I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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