naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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