it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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