Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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