I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
