I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
