Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
