just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
