"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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