so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
