Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
