I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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