I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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