I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
