it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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