That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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