Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize