____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
