He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
