So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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