we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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