Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
