i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
