Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
