Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
