OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
