wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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