mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
