She is in my trunk
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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