apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
