I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
