She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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