i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Never joke about your clitoris.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
