And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
