i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize