Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
