All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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