This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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