8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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