the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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