he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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