Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
