She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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